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the way i see it...
Jan. 16th, 2007
03:23 pm
This year is continuing to be one of the best I can remember. Granted, this has a lot to do with the boy, but the other areas of my life are doing really well also.
Anyway, a while back Anna tagged me and I've been meaning to do this....so I now present to you the 5 things you didn't know about me (or probably didn't know about me)
1. I'm by no means a "neat freak" but some things have to be arranged in a certain way. (ie: My books are arranged on the shelves by subject. My DVDs are in alphabetical order by title. My CDs are in alphabetical order by artist.)
2. I absolutely hate to arrive late anywhere for any reason. Even if I have announced in advance that I will be late or have a good excuse, I still hate being late.
3. I haven't read an entire book since I was in high school, class requirement or otherwise (although I'm working on changing that right now!)
4. I have an amazing tolerance for spicy things and consequently can eat hot wings or Mexican food like they are going out of style.
5. I am constantly creating stage direction in my head for the things that I see around me. Someday I hope to take these intermittant thoughts and write a book.
There are easily several more things I could write about, but it said 5, so I shall leave it at that. I am an interesting piece of work, if I do say so myself.
Dec. 28th, 2006
09:12 pm
Life is good. I got some really great Christmas presents. I won some really decent money playing poker. I found out that I get to spend New Year's Eve with the boy. I have had some time to relax and also to get stuff ready for going back to work. I am very excited for my birthday and the conference (which coincide and make it even more exiting!
This is really great because for the past couple years Christmas has been mediocre and New Year's and my birthday have left me pissed off and feeling dejected. This is a great change so far.
I feel happy and cozy and loved and those are some terrific feelings.
Nov. 28th, 2006
01:49 am - I hear gossip, I hear rumors
Why are the majority of human beings so interested in gossip and rumors? How do people find it enjoyable to get their kicks out of sharing information about other people? Or more importantly, why? Perhaps it is our competitive nature. We need to make other people look bad to make ourselves look better. It's possible that we need to have all the latest information, whether it is true or not, and share it with others to make ourselves feel needed. Or maybe deep down we are just bastards.
I will admit that I have fallen into the trap of gossip on occasion, but for the most part I take great pride in trying to live my life and stay the heck out of everyone else's business. I really resent the fact that for whatever reason people are compelled to participate in this black market of private knowledge but don't have the balls to just come right out and ask whether or not these rumors are true. No, it's much more fun to go round and around with this he said- she said bullshit. WHY?
Nov. 17th, 2006
04:27 am - Another Opening...Another Show!
Charlie Brown opened tonight. It went fairly well, although I think last nights dress rehearsal was a bit better. Silly kids and their nerves! I recognize and am still slightly frustrated by the fact that the show is not as great as it could have been. I am greatful that I could assist with this one in order to make my show in the spring even better!
It's weird, I have been feeling pretty confident about this show for a while...but sitting next to Tim watching the show made me start second guessing everything and criticizing every minor line problem and light cue.
I want to be amazing...especially in the eyes of one of the people I admire most. Tim had pretty decent feedback and overall I am quite pleased with how far we have come and what we have done in spite of our limitations.
Nov. 4th, 2006
06:43 pm - an interesting realization
I've been living in Fulton for about 3 months now. I'm getting used to living by myself. I've gotten fairly comfortable with my job, but I still have not really made any "friends". I get along great with most of the other teachers and we talk a lot at school, but I never hang out with anyone outside of school. I definitely have not met anyone outside of school either. Yet I am ok with this. I'm sure that this has a great deal to do with the fact that with the show going on I have been busy almost constantly for a while now. All of the theatre teachers that I know have told me that with this job it is hard to maintain a social life, let alone a relationship, especially for the first couple of years.
At first I thought that sounded like a horrible situation to get yourself into (and I still do, in theory) but now that I'm right in the midst of it I have realized that I am doing ok. I am not quite where I want to be in regards to the future and friendships and relationships but I am doing ok. I think theatre education as a career definitely takes a certain type of person. You have to be confident enough in yourself and care enough about your job that you feel it's worth it to trade in your evenings and weekends to hang out with a bunch of high school kids trying to make magic. Sure there's days when I would much rather be doing something else....somedays when I wish I was doing ANYTHING else, but in the big picture I'm happy with the way things are.
I have friends that are not too far away. The current boy situation is going pretty well. And when I think about it, that is enough. When I am gone from 7am-7pm everyday (sometimes longer) and then have to spend the rest of my time planning for classes and drawing designs and taking care of all the silly little things that are a part of being independent and trying to sleep a little every now and then, I realize that even if my friends lived in here in Fulton I probably wouldn't get to see them much more than I do now. That makes me feel pretty good about the current situation.
It also helps that I have some really awesome friends that make it worthwhile when I do get to see them and a guy that cares about me in infinite amounts. I'm going to see Spamalot with a bunch of people tomorrow and next weekend I have plans to hang with the boy. It balances out the stresses of work pretty nicely!
![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/moonsis/stars/yellow/mellow_sy.gif){kind=small}
contentOct. 10th, 2006
11:07 pm - here's to more great stuff happening!
As some of you know, I'm assistant directing the fall musical at school. So far, it's been a pretty frustrating experience because the director has very little background in theatre AND seems to be really focused on maintaining control of the show. Anyway, yesterday he asked me to run rehearsal (very reluctantly) because he couldn't be there.
It was an odd experience since I couldn't go 100% with my ideas, which made me a little nervous. Not to mention that it was my first REAL high school rehearsal.
Anyway, it was FANTASTIC!!! The kids absolutely rocked my face off!!!
I worked on some basic acting techniques with them and actually saw tremendous improvement from last week's rehearsals! It was amazing!!! They seemed to be having a great time and they even told me that they like me better than the other director and that they want me to stick around so they can have a good drama department. Wow!
Combine that with the great experiences I've been having with my classes lately and it's fabulous!
Right now, I have never felt more certain that I am in the right career, that I LOVE it, and that I'm GOOD at it!
Oct. 8th, 2006
01:57 pm - VERY great weekend!!!
I was sitting here Friday night, beginning to write an update on the boy situation for those of you who have been inquiring as to the progress. It was right about then, that I get a text message from said boy saying that he's having people over. So of course, I grab some stuff and I'm out the door. This is shortly before midnight that I get the invite, mind you. By the time I get there it's a little after 1 am. We hang out in the hot tub for a couple hours, then everyone left and I spent the night. Saturday we woke up about 11, got some food and hung out at his place watching the Cardinals game, which was great fun (except for the effin' Cardinals lost!)
Then he took me out to dinner and we went back to his place, watched the Mizzou game and such. I spent the night again. We woke up this morning and he cooked me breakfast and I helped him with some stuff around the house.
I finally came home a little while ago because I'm babysitting my sister's fish and I was starting to worry for it's well being. Anyway, the fish is fine, so I'm getting a couple of small things done before work tomorrow and then I'm heading back to his place to watch the Cards game and play poker.
Needless to say, things seem to be going really well and I'm REALLY excited about that. He hasn't brought up any of the reasons why our relationship might be a bad idea, so that's good too. I'm still not sure about anything long term, but in the here-and-now, things are mighty fine!
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happySep. 25th, 2006
10:21 pm
I apologize. I have not been this crazy over a guy in quite some time. I guess to be completely honest, that is probably because there has not been a guy in my life for quite some time.
Anyway, this one is FANTASTIC!
I went against my better judgement and stayed at his house until about 2:30 this morning. So that put me home about 3:30...and awake again at 6. Yeah, I know. But it was amazing!
Unbelievable amounts of sweepage, let me tell you.
![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/moonsis/stars/yellow/silly_sy.gif){kind=small}
giddySep. 17th, 2006
12:43 pm - about the boy
This guy is absolutely amazing!!! He is smart and super funny and romantic and into same stuff that I am. He always calls when he says he will and sometimes he calls just because. He has some magical way of making me feel like I am the most special person in the world. And to top it all off he is a fantastic kisser too! There is definately an amazing chemistry between us.
If I were to make a list of the qualities and attributes of my ideal man, he meets and exceeds 99% of them.
So the only downside is that other 1%. A measly handful of details that are not so perfect. A handful of details that are just big enough and important enough to possibly take down the whole relationship. Therein lies the problem.
Do we go against logic and tradition and surrender to the potential snags that lie before us? Do we say "to hell with everybody else" and go for it? Are these difficulties a sign that maybe it's not meant to be? Can you give up on something as amazing as what we have simply because it goes against the status quo?
While I see and understand all the logical arguments why this may not be the best idea, I cannot just give up something that is so perfect and feels so natural. Why do I always get in these situations? I just want to find Mr. Right and start spending the rest of my life with him without all kinds of drama.
Any advice on my situation would be greatly appreciated.
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cheerfulSep. 13th, 2006
10:39 pm - long freakin' day
I'm exhausted. This week is kicking my butt. I guess it got off to a rocky start because against my better (read: more logical) judgement, I was hanging out with friends much too late Sunday night and didn't get home until 2am. Then today I had to be at work for a 7:30am meeting and right after school had to drive to a far off place called Salisbury, MO for a meeting. I learned last night that this Salisbury is about 1 1/2 hours from Fulton. Ick!
So, here it is, 10:42 pm, I just got home from work stuff....I haven't done anything to prepare for classes tomorrow....and did I mention I'm exhausted?
I also have parking lot duty for the rest of this week and all of next week, gate duty for the football game on Friday, and a ton of stuff to get done over the weekend. Not to mention that I'll probably go and hang out with the boy if at all possible.
Oh, and the musical auditions next week....
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sleepySep. 10th, 2006
02:59 pm - it's so unfair
So I just found out that Ben Folds is playing in Columbia in November. Very exciting, yes. Except for the fact that it is on November 5th specifically....the same day I have tickets to Spamalot at the Fox. What are the odds of that?
Sep. 7th, 2006
10:18 pm - I promise, I'm really NOT depressed
I'm reminded by countless things that I have officially "grown up" (or at least I'm on my way). Luckily, I haven't had many problems adapting to the real world and I like to think that is because I was prepared. Prepared to hold a steady job. Prepared to manage my finances. Prepared to balance the many aspects of living independently.
But I was not prepared for all of it. I was not prepared for this. I was not prepared to fall for the one person that I least expected. I was not prepared to make decisions that tug at the finest fibers of the self-concept that I have deliberately and painstakingly created over the past 22 years.
Now I find myself faced with decisions that I never anticipated having to make. I find myself considering options and entertaining ideas that never before crossed my mind. Perhaps the most unnerving part of it all is that I don't feel like a different person than I was 2 or 5 or even 10 years ago. Could I have changed so much, so subtly that I don't even notice? Have we all changed?
There are two possible reactions to fear: fight or flight. I've always considered myself a fighter but now it's looking more and more appealing to take to the air. It says a lot about a person- the choices you make when faced with a problem. Now not only am I staring these decisions in the face, but I'm also taking a good look at myself, and I'm fairly disgusted to see that I'm not being 100% the fighter I thought I was.
For now I am fighting. Fighting with occasional glances toward the clouds- but fighting nonetheless. That's gotta count for something.
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contemplativeAug. 28th, 2006
06:59 pm - life is getting pretty good
Things are really looking up for me right now. The job is still going well. Charter finally came through and I now have internet and cable. I went home for the weekend and spent a good chunk of it hanging out with friends and playing poker. (FYI...my new project is to learn how to play better so that I may beat the boys!) I spent some time with the fam shopping and whatnot. There was also some progress made in the romantical area, but I shant discuss it just yet because
1) I don't want to jinx it and
2) It's kind of an odd situation (as most of my relationship stories seem to be)
So anyway, all in all, I think this weekend was really what I needed. I needed to be around people and feel needed. I feel like a fog has been lifted off me and I'm really starting to take control of things.
It is a kick-ass feeling, let me tell ya.
![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/moonsis/stars/yellow/hyper_sy.gif){kind=small}
energeticAug. 23rd, 2006
04:15 pm - finally...an update!
No, I still don't have internet at the apartment, but I finally seem to have reached a point when I don't have to spend all my daily allotted internet time doing research and "important stuff". Yes, I said daily allotted internet time. Luckily, the public library in Fulton has an internet computer lab (which is free to use if you have a library card) but you only get 1 hour per day.
So that's what that is about.
Things are going really well, actually. I do get lonely from time to time just because there's no one there when I get home and I don't really know anyone in this area. And I'll admit, I did make muffins yesterday (I understand the baking thing, Anna).
But staying prepared for classes keeps me pretty busy most of the time. My classes are 97% fabulous and I'm using the other 3% as what will hopefully be a great learning experience.
It's hard to believe that this is pretty much what my life will be like. Not to mention the fact that I am actually teaching, and having fun, and doing a pretty good job (if I may say so).
The principal came in during my drama class the other day and watched a little bit. He caught me later and told me that it looked like everybody was having fun. That was the best compliment...especially because I am already making such good progress at a school that hasn't even had a drama class for years.
So anyway, things are going pretty well. If all goes according to plan, I should have internet and cable by the time I get home from work Friday. [Which is great because I'm about done waiting to use the computers here which are all occupied with kids playing games. Sorry...they are particularly annoying today. :)]
Cross your fingers. And come visit me. I miss you all.
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accomplishedJul. 31st, 2006
08:43 pm - i blinked and now it's august
It is almost unreal how quickly time keeps progressing. I don't feel "busy" at all, but at the same time I am constantly reminded of all the things I have to do and all the things I am not getting done fast enough. The good news is I finally feel like I'm getting somewhere with the packing.
The bad news is that I need to be ready to move most of my stuff on wednesday.
The really bad news is that I will not be home again between now and Wednesday...and I'm preparing to be awake for the next 30 hours. This is what happens when mediocre planning and bad luck collide.
I am really really excited for the move...it's hard to believe that by this time tomorrow I will officially have my own place (even though there won't be much stuff in it).
I really should be trying to get in a little nap before work, but all this adrenaline is keeping me awake. And so I move on to plan B: caffine, energy pills, loud music, and more packing.
energeticJul. 16th, 2006
11:53 am - this crazy little thing called life
This summer has been flying by. It is hard to believe that I only have about 3 weeks left here. 3 weeks left living at home. 3 weeks left working at the hotel. 3 weeks until my adult life officially gets underway. It is very exciting and very sad at the same time.
Since my last post, I have done quite a lot, I guess. I spent some time helping with construction and painting for a community theatre production. I got accepted to grad school at Mizzou. I decided to spice up my work schedule by training on night audit. It is an overnight job (11pm to 7am) and basically it's a lot of paperwork balancing all the transactions of the day for the entire hotel and resetting the systems for the next business day. I really like it. It is much quieter than a regular shift and it pays more too! So I work 2-3 nights on audit and 2-3 on pm shift. It's a pretty good deal.
Of course working audit means that the only other employee in the hotel with me is the security guard(s). This usually being the guy that I had the huge crush on. Well last week we got to sit and talk for about 3 hours and he told me all about this girl that he is dating (who apparently lives in Indiana). Oh well. Back to square one for me.
I spent 2 days apartment hunting in central missouri. Much to my dismay, I determined that living in Columbia would require a 45-60minute commute to work (one way). Having no patience for that and no money for all that gas, it has been decided that I will live in Fulton. I put in an application on a place and I should know by Wednesday if it is approved. I'm really excited for that!
So all things considered, I guess you could say that the past month has had more advances than setbacks. That is a good thing.
productiveJun. 15th, 2006
09:48 pm - ah...finally!
Oh, the excitement! I have been trying to log in here and post stuff for a couple days now, only to find that my computer did not seem to be agreeing with the blog. Not sure why. But it is ok now.
Today is a good day to be back on the blog. While I have had plenty to say the last couple of days, I think today was a good shining day to return. First of all, I was off work today, which is always a glorious thing. Second, I got a pretty good amount of stuff accomplished (also, always good). I finally got the phone call I have been waiting for this morning, confirming that I do indeed have a teaching position for the upcoming school year and that my contract is on its way!!! I am uber-excited about this, and now with that part set, I can begin to make more progress on other things such as finding an apartment and getting all the subsequent details in order. I have also gotten a "hook-up" on some furniture, so I should be getting off to a pretty decent start. :)
In other news, there has been some almost progress in the situation with the guy at work that I wrote about before. Yes I said "almost progress". I accept that in all reality, this may in fact not really BE progress, but I accept it as a form of such anyway because it makes me happy. WARNING: EXTREMELY GIRLY STUFF BELOW
I've worked with this guy for the last 4 nights straight and with each passing day, the flirting just seems to keep increasing. (By Wednesday night it had gotten to the point where other people were noticing and calling us on it.) Anyway, we pretend fight all the time and that is probably a bad idea because every time I grab his arms I melt a little on the inside. So we're pushing each other around, with our hands on each other's shoulders and he gets his face really close to mine, stops, and just looks at me and smiles. It was so cute!
We're talking last night and I don't know what we were talking about but he playfully says "You are no fun". I told him that he couldn't make that claim unless we did something outside of work and he felt the same way. He asked why I never called him to hang out. I reminded him that I didn't have his phone number. He gave it to me and told me I better call him sometime.
This is ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS!!! After what happened (or didn't happen, rather) before, I honestly got over him. Now I don't know what the heck happened, but I seem to have fallen right back down again! I guess it's just been a while since I had these sorts of feelings for anyone, but I am remembering how crazy it is that a simple thing like him calling or not calling can make or break your day. It's the most exciting and painful emotions all balled up in one. I feel like a spaz.
May. 23rd, 2006
09:10 pm
At the risk of sounding like most every post I make on here...wow, a lot has happened since I last wrote. Seriously, I think that last one was Spring Break. Anyway, I finished up my student teaching. That was an all-around AWESOME experience! I spent the last week touring the state- I had interviews Monday in central MO, Tuesday and Wednesday in Kansas City, then I headed down to Springfield for awards ceremonies and graduation Thursday and Friday, then since my family was down they decided to spend the weekend in Branson and chill. Believe it or not, it was a really good thing. I think I have finally realized just how exhausted I am. I've been sleeping 10 hours at a time, spending the day doing next to nothing and falling asleep exhausted by 11pm. It's crazy, but I guess it makes sense with the way I have been taking classes while working full time for years and then this last semester of insanity. I plan on really relaxing this summer. It is very exciting to not have summer classes or be working multiple jobs. I am going to try to do all the things I have been trying to do for years now. My big goal is to read some books. Cheesy, yes, I know. But I haven't had time to read a book (not for class) since high school.
Unfortunately, my life is going to be a bit hectic for a little while longer. I got a job offer for the upcoming school year. The kicker is that it is a very small school in rural central Missouri. So I'm weighing the pros and cons of that. (Anyone who knows me, can only imagine the over-analyzing that is going on with this situation. It's ridiculous.) I'm going back up there Thursday to get some more details on the position and to scout out possible housing options. It's really looking like a pretty good deal though, for a first year teacher. I'm hoping that somehow this whole job search thing will work itself out and that I will be settled back into quiet relaxation again soon.
So that's pretty much the story for now. I'll keep you updated on the job horizon and whatever decision I make. Wish me luck- I'm driving myself crazy!
lazyApr. 17th, 2006
09:56 pm - spring break is over :(
I have to go back to school tomorrow and I'm not really looking forward to it. While it has been awesome to have the last week off, I really didn't get too much of a "break". I spent lots of time catching up on grading papers, filling out job applications, searching for jobs, helping re-model the kitchen, and just getting miscellaneous stuff back in line. Just now, I feel like I have finally caught up enough to where I could take a break, but no, it's time to get back in the swing of things.
The good news is that I only have 19 teaching days left. This is also bad news because in the big scheme of things, I only have 19 days left as a student. 19 days left to try to accumulate and soak up all the resources and connections and experiences that I can before having to prepare to take on a position of my own. I am getting really anxious about being done, so while I think my abilities and skills have increased over the semester, my motivation is definately dropping. This is very bad news.
Anyway, I know that the rest of this week will fly by since it is only 4 days. I need to try really hard to stay on top of things. I'm so close to the finish line.....can't let it drop now!
Apr. 14th, 2006
02:58 pm - ok...so i'm spiderman
I saw this and thought it would be fun, since comic book superheros are the shit. Well, some of them, anyway.
So apparently, I'm spiderman. Intelligent, witty, a bit geeky...yep sounds about right. Not to mention that I matched with a male character, not a female (i've often been labeled as "one of the guys"). But while I do think that Spiderman could kick Superman's ass any day, I also can't help but believe that Spiderman is the more feminine of the two. So maybe that's good for something. For my sake anyway, not so much for Spiderman. Sorry buddy.
Yeah, Superman probably couldn't piroette very well.
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